Thursday, April 14, 2011

Request (A Legitimate One, Probably)

So far, I have been pretty lucky when it comes to motherhood. I never really had any issues or blues after Nora or Henry were born. Well, in retrospect, I guess that first week after Nora's birth was a bit more emotional than usual, but the fog lifted right at about a week into things, I think.

This time, I'm a bit more concerned. Nora and Henry have gotten to be such a wicked handful lately between the two of them (sleep deprivation all around—Henry, lots of screaming—mostly Henry, lots of disagreeing with Mommy and Daddy—mostly Nora, Nora regressing in potty training again, etc.), I'm really afraid of how my psychological well-being is going to be once this third one arrives. I'm sure a lot of the "handful" business has a lot to do with the unknown and the fear of losing any attention that they get at this point. The question is: how do they respond when this baby gets here?

The next question is: how does mommy respond when this baby gets here?

Hopefully, it'll be an easy transition. The worst thing that could happen is that things get harder. The next worse thing that could happen is that things stay just how they are right now. I know that realistically, I have to expect that things will at least be as hard as they are right now at least for awhile. It takes time to adjust to a newborn. It takes time for that newborn to start sleeping longer stretches, too. I just hope that the baby isn't as difficult as Henry was. That might ruin me.

Anyway . . . I guess I'm asking people (friends and fam . . . and other attentive folk) to kind-of keep an eye on me after this baby is born. I'm a little scared that I'm going to have postpartum depression issues. Part of me is a little bit scared that I might have issues with it before the baby even gets here (maybe even a little bit right now, but I think a lot of my issues now are just sleep deprivation and stress—work-related). What's extra disheartening is that I know my OB isn't going to be able to tell that there's something wrong—not unless I outright tell him. I've already told Willis that he's probably going to need to really monitor me after this baby comes. So, if you're a person who prays, throwing some prayers at it probably wouldn't hurt, either (and would be much appreciated).

Random side note: have any of you seen Shutter Island? If you haven't (and plan to), go ahead and skip two paragraphs [I marked it for you]. I'm about to ruin the whole movie for those who haven't seen it. 

In Shutter Island, you realize, after your mind gets bent all sorts of crazy ways, that Leonardo Dicaprio's character is a man who shot and killed his wife. Why did he shoot her? Well, he came home one day to find her sitting on a swing (all wet), and she had drowned their three children in the lake. The oldest was a girl, the oldest boy was named Henry, and the littlest was a boy, too. They all looked to be about two years apart. I had no idea I was in for that sort of home-hitter when we watched that movie. Creepy and devastating, isn't it? I suppose these kids were all above the age of (maybe) five, so . . . I don't know if you can call that postpartum psychosis at that point. Still, it scares the be-jabbers out of me. Leo's character later mentions that she had been having issues for a long time, and he didn't get her help. So, he blames himself for the loss of his entire family. It pretty much tears your soul apart. There needs to be a disclaimer on movies like that, man. Like, "If you're pregnant, you should probably avoid this one."

[SKIP TO HERE]: In about two weeks, we plan to consolidate Nora and Henry into the same room, and I'm hoping that'll alleviate some of the sleeping issues we all seem to be having. Nora's struggling with being scared at night, and Henry's, well . . . struggling. So, it could be terrible, or it could be better. We'll see. Nora seems excited at the prospect of sharing a room, and I imagine that Henry probably won't mind it (and may even like it) once he realizes what's happening.

The weather helps. It was supposed to be gross today, and it turns out that it's awesome.

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