A "Dear John" Letter to Winter

Dear Winter,

Despite my clear communication, you just don't seem to get it. We broke up. Get the net. It's over, baby. Done and done. We're splitsville. The end.

Move on. Go do what Winter does when Winter gets dumped. Take a hiatus for, like, three seasons or something. I don't care. Just get outta here, will ya?

I'm not trying to get rash here, but I won't lie to you. The words "restraining order" have crossed my mind now and then lately. I'm not going there yet, but if you keep up with this "showing up uninvited" nonsense, I may have to go there. Don't make me do that. I don't want to be "that girl," but I will be "that girl" if I have to—'cause you're being "that guy."

Ye be warned.

Leave me alone, okay?

I'm sorry things didn't work out between us, but seriously. How long did you think this would last? I knew at the beginning it was going to be, like, a December-March relationship. How did you not see that coming, too?

It's not me. It's you.

Sincerely,

Jenny

P.S. The baby isn't yours, either. Sorry.